I know most of you mamas can relate to this: I feel like I’ve done nothing productive today and I’m exhausted. When I thought of what I had done all day, I realized that I actually had done A LOT.
I woke up at 6:00 am from a weird dream and couldn’t fall back to sleep so I enjoyed coffee on the couch alone for an hour and a half, but I felt guilty for being lazy. I got up off the couch, prepped Rowan’s formula for the day, and got his morning meds ready to go. I then hurried off to a dentist appointment at 8:30 (my husband was watching Rowan at home before he left for work), filled my car up with gas on the way home, and was home by 9:15. When I got home, Rowan was already up and playing because Justin had gotten him unhooked from dialysis for me. I gave Rowan his morning feed and meds because he needed to be done “eating” before our video call with his developmental specialist at 10:00. We had our call and worked on developmental goals that we’d set for him (crawling, standing, walking, etc). After the call, I played with Rowan for about an hour and a half because at this age he needs attention constantly. He plays with something for 5 minutes and then is on to the next thing. And now that he crawls, I have to keep my eye on him at all times. We built block towers, read books, threw the ball to the dog, played outside with a bucket of toys and water, played with his race track, sang songs, and at some point in between all that I ate a quick breakfast while he watched the Mickey Mouse Hot Dog Dance on my computer 15 times in a row. During playtime, I called his urology team to ask a question about how to clean around his catheter since he pooped on it twice in the last two days. I also called his dialysis team to ask about some bloodwork results that came back from Rowan's bloodwork that we had done yesterday. Then, a surgery nurse returned my voicemail from the previous day about Rowan’s Gtube leaking and what to do about it. I answered a call from the hospital about going down for a sleep study tonight because they had a last-minute cancellation (I said no🤦🏼♀️). Then, it was time for lunch. I fed Rowan green bean puree, cleaned up his mess, and gave him a cup of water to sip on. While he was drinking his water, I filled the dishwasher with the dirty dishes that were sitting in the sink and turned it on. I sat down and planned a couple of meals for the rest of the week so I could finish making our grocery list and go get groceries later. I prepped Rowan’s mid-day meds and formula, hooked up his Gtube, and then took him upstairs to get ready for his nap. We read a few more books, I changed him, and then I put him in bed.
I had planned to quickly workout and then clean up the house a bit during nap time, but by the time I got downstairs and sat on the couch, I was EXHAUSTED. I quickly responded to some emails that I’d been ignoring and then decided I should nap if I wanted to be useful for the rest of the day. I napped on the couch for an hour and then got up and did a 30-minute workout, took a shower, and put away the clean laundry that had been sitting in my room all week. This is around the time when I was thinking, “Ugh. Rowan will be waking up from his nap soon and I haven’t gotten ANYTHING done today. I wanted to do laundry, go to the grocery store, play ball with Raymie to give her exercise, work on Etsy orders, vacuum the living room, sweep the kitchen floor, organize Rowan’s medical supplies in our guest bedroom because my mom will be staying here this weekend, call a family member back who wanted to Facetime with Rowan.."(and I could go on and on). Once I started thinking about all the things I HAD done, I realized that I had done so much today already and it was only 3:30 pm. I still had the rest of the day to get more things done, or relax and enjoy spending time with Justin, Rowan, and Raymie.
Mama, stop feeling guilty for "not doing enough". Someday days you get a lot done, some days you don't, and that's okay. You are not defined by how productive you are, how clean the house is, how many things you taught your baby in one day, or if you planned the perfect family dinner. Most days you do more than you realize, and it's also okay to spend days resting and recharging. On Instagram we see other mamas making homemade baby purees and creating different rainbow-colored sensory bins every day for their kids in clean, perfectly-designed homes. If that mama is you, that's amazing! If it's not you, that's amazing, too! Your baby loves you because you're his mama. Your husband loves you because you're you. So whether you just changed diapers and fed the baby today, or you checked off your whole entire to-do list for the week, you are enough.
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